Our Forum…

   Okay so I just wrote out a freaking two page long thing about why I may or may not be a changeling and now I don’t know if I should post it or not cause it’s really long (took me about 4 hours to write) and I don’t think people want to read through all of that. So, if you want the long version, just ask. It has a lot of information, even if it’s not the most connected of things.

    But, basically, what it said was that a friend of mine brought up the possibility of me being a changeling and in truth, it would explain a lot about me. It would explain the random pains and all of the headaches and migraines, the way I talk like I know things for certain about fey and the paranormal, why I act like I’m way older than I am yet switch to way younger seeming in an instant, the way I treat everything (especially natural things) as if it was alive and had feelings, why I’m so disconnected from things, why I feel so inhuman, it would explain why I don’t think that I’m going to make it past my 36^th year, why I have such an interest in so many types of art and that I’m good at most of them (aside from the fact that I’m just an artsy person), why I delight in the expression of intense emotions of most kinds, why I fear being left alone and rejected despite never having been rejected, why I have trouble moving (and why my fingers tense and freeze) at times, my violent twitching, the burning sensation in my mouth and throat, my sweet tooth, why the doctors can’t find any rhyme or reason behind my pains and tensing, why I feel like things that happen don’t affect me so much, my love for fiddle, flute, and Celtic music. And so much more. Like why my feet crack when I walk barefoot and it feels like the ghost of a spear is running straight through my chest. I’d go into it more but, then this would just turn into the first version of this post.

    Well, may as well post this bit that I didn’t really cover in this version of the post:

    Looking back at just my middle school years and last two years of high school you find that I’ve had this haunting feeling of disconnection and what could be described as identity crises. In fact my ex described me as having a disconnection with realty as a whole. I’ve felt inhuman for a while now but it didn’t come into its own until high school, as shown by me writing about theories I had on what it might be that I /was/ in my daily planner. In middle school it was a mere obstacle keeping me from connecting with others and understanding how to create/manage relationships with people. I found myself writing about it without even fully realizing what I was talking about, just knowing that it made sense. I went into a variety of things but mainly themes of being hush-hush. Looking back on what I wrote now days gives me an eerie feeling.

    Here are some direct quotes of stuff I wrote in middle school so you can see what I was talking about.

“Subtly the rule of the game we play, the name and point of which is hard to explain”,

“I can’t shake the feeling I’ve got something to hide, old habits die hard and some won’t break if you try.”

    And here are some things that I wrote more recently in high school, “Am I supposed to be here with all of you?('you' being everyone and everything in my life -Vidi)” And, “I feel like I have a mental road block keeping me from whatever happens to be inside.” Both of which are from a journal I shared with another friend of mine helping me try to figure out my weird identity crisis of not feeling human but not wanting to admit it.

    So, if anyone could help me. It’s a terrible feeling not being sure. There’s just enough evidence to say I am one but there’s just enough common sense in me to not jump to conclusions without consulting people who know more than I do. If I am, then I want to be ready and if I’m not, then I want to be able to rest sure. Please?

   Thanks for posting, Zakary. Do you really have everything I described, including the random pains and jerky movement? Because I just tried my hand at meditating (it's a bit too loud in my room for me to /properly/ do so though so I'm going to try again outside in after posting, I'll keep updating on how it works out) and the pains were happening in almost rapid fire, mainly on my legs. One even happened on my right earlobe, like someone lit a sparkler next to it. After that, for a minute or so, it felt like there was something keeping sound from entering my ear properly, since then that feeling has gotten progressively lessened. Any idea why?

   In fact, the only reason I decided to meditate right now was this terrible feeling of things inside of me moving. I kept thinking that I can't keep "it" (still not sure what that means) down forever, but that I don't even know how to let it go.

 And sadly, no, I have yet to break down that mental wall. It's like part of me is scarred to and the other part just doesn't know how. I prayed about it though during meditation and I hope it helps. I'll pray for you too, I understand the feeling of not knowing something deep in yourself. I've started taking an interest in meditation in the hopes that it will help me, do you have any tips?

i think this is what incarnated fae act like. my juniour year was pretty tough, i couldnt communicate well but only with the people who are extremely positive. i acted like this because my intuition was telling me something was wrong and the reason for that is that someone was spreading a terrible rumour about me and evry1 hated me:( i got passed that over the summer and i took a long time to do some soul searching. without that year, i would have not believed in fairies, i would not have found my true potential, i would not have found my higherself, and i would not be as confident as i am today, plus im living life like it was my last and im enjoying it cuz all the negativity went away:) although i doubt i am an incarnated fae but i hope that things will get better for you, trust me it would. we all go thru some type of suffering because we are human (although we dont have to suffer) but dont worry, it will get better

@Witchy: Thank you. And the physical pain is one of the reasons I think I may be a changeling rather than a reincarnated fey. There's such thing as a grounding ritual?

@Iluvdance: I'm so glad you had that year to soul search. We all need to do more of that, it can be so serene an' helpful. Thanks for your kind words.

@Ashy: Thank you for reading over this and posting, your viewpoint has weight in my eyes. And not to sound hack-ish as I don't wanna sound like I'm tailoring my answers but, it's funny you should mention those traits of changelings… I have to owe it to you, had you not said the whole bit about looking in the mirror my simply horrible memory would not have recalled the freaking reason /why/ my friend brought up the possibilityof me being one in the first place (seriously, there is just stuff that I can /not/ recall. it's horrible when I have to recall things on a timeline, or a good portion of things in history class.). I had brought up how I'm one of those people that find themselves staring at themselves in the mirror, studying their faces as a lead in to me asking her if what she saw in the mirror differed from what she saw in her head. This is the sort of question a person asks when they want to bring up and talk about something odd about themselves, with the added bonus of hearing what the other person has to say. She compared my mental picture of what I thought of as an "exaggeration" of my own features to a changeling, and that brought on a whole slew of other comparisons from my life to them.

A grounding ritual helps you get back down to reality and to let go of things. It helps you clear your mind and relax. It gets you stable so you can move forward with your life.